April 6, 2007

The drive - Part II

Today is Good Friday. It meant that I only had to do rounds and wait for emergencies if any. I did that. But I didnt do what I should have done - I didnt go to church today. OK I can give you pretty acceptable excuses - I was on call, there were 4 cases in casualty (3 at 10 AM and one at 12 noon) which would have meant that I would have had to scurry back from church, I was tired etc etc. B ut I wonder whether that suffices.
Yesterday I rediscovered my drive to learn driving .... and today I discovered that my "drive" to go to church seems to be at an all time low. Part of the problem is that I havent got too many friends here and havent yet found a good church. But is that enough of a reason. Back at Vellore, I used to work extra hours, finish rounds early, request permission from my chiefs, do anything to go to church, lead and involve in worship and be known as someone who would be in church as much as possible. While I really miss the Peniel Tabernacle in Vellore and am yet to find such an exciting church here, thinking deeper into it I seemed to have gotten into a frame of mind when I am using my work as an excuse for not going to church. At the end of today I was feeling quite upset with myself because I didnt seem driven to go to church.
Now Becky and I have a wonderful time of devotion at night, but while it is awesome, that still is not enough...... God help me get closer to you. Gimme the strength and the drive.
And incidentally I DID go for my driving class today...... and Becky and I slept off without doing the devotional.........
Do say a word of prayer right now for me if you're reading this.... I need it.


Rhonda said...

Well, I just finished reading your diary. I was surprised that it has been so long since the last posting of it... Maybe I was surprised because you obviously have such a love for the Lord, Maybe it was because you seemed to be in touch with your faith journey and was recognizing that there was a "drift" going on. So I decided to write to you and tell you that we all go through drifts...we just don't all let them carry us away from our dear Lord. I am praying for you and I am so hoping that you haven't let the drift carry you too far. I have heard some say that being a Christian is too hard, it takes too much effort, too much time. To them I say, "Jesus did warn you that it would not be easy!" Benjamin, to you I say, "God knows your struggles, even when you don't tell him or write them in a diary. He is waiting for you to love him enough to put him first.
Be Blessed my friend,

Benji said...

HI Rhonda
This is just a note to let you know that I am alive and clicking and kicking!! Still strong in the Lord and enjoying being married to the most awesome girl in the world - Becky. The reason the blog has stagnated is primarily due to time constraints and me working on the Christian-Traffic site. I'll restart ASAP. Thanx for the encouraging note and God Bless you too!